internship.

Today was my first official day at "Para Sus Ninos" (For His Children).  My first thoughts as I walked up to the gate, found out that my supervisor wasn't there and wouldn't be for a while, and proceeded to hesitantly walk toward the houses:  How awkward is this?!  What am I even supposed to be doing?  Do I just walk into the houses?  How am I supposed to communicate with people?  How do I know where I can and can't go?  Am I ever going to get a schedule or am I going to have to email Diana each night before I think I'm supposed to be here?  Is this even going to be beneficial?  

My impatient and insecure thoughts consumed me.

Alyssa (who was undoubtedly thinking the same things) and I walked into the baby house, noticed that each room was already filled with volunteers and awkwardly left.  Strike One.  Insecurities held true.

We opened the gate to the toddler house, walked in the door, and were immediately greeted by the oldest girl, Alejandra with huge hugs and a squeaky little voice saying over and over, "Como se llama?! Como se llama?!"  We were thrown right in when Anita, the tia, turned on some salsa music and the room full of dark haired, dark eyed cuties grabbed our hands and asked us to dance.

I spent the following hour and a half pushing a little girl in a wheelchair who couldn't walk to talk.  At first I found myself slipping back into my awkward and insecure mentality thinking, Is this really helping? Is this why God wanted me at For His Children?  Yes.  Yes it was.  As I walked in circles around the small yard feeling like an idiot singing to this precious little girl, she jerked her head back and I noticed a glowing twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face.  It was so worth it.  It was exactly what he wanted.  Love.  That's exactly what he wanted from me today...not selfishness, not insecurity, just love.

To be quite honest, I think most days will be similar to today.  I may feel awkward about not being told where to go and what to do.  I may feel like I'm doing small tasks that aren't worth much.  But whether I'm doing office work, feeling annoyed by the hour long commute, dancing to salsa music, pushing a wheelchair, wiping yogurt off of a little girl's face, or trying to make a child smile, it's worth it.  I can't wait to continue to love at For His Children, and I'm praying for God to continue to erase the awkward, selfish feelings in my heart and replace them with a desire to volunteer for his glory.